Submitted by mata2m2f on Mon, 02/01/2010 - 11:26pm

 

 

The full moon lit up the midnight sky and cast peaceful moonbeams over the forest terrain. Wilma stopped running and gazed up. She was tired running. What was she surviving for? Her loved ones were dead and eaten. She was exhausted and longed for their peace.
 
What did the Hunters know of these things. They know only hunger.
 
A twig crunched behind her and Wilma froze.  The Hunters motion based eyesight lost their prey. As the standoff reached one hour, a suppressed rebellion rose in Wilma’s heart. She waved her arms at the moon and shouted “Breakfast is served”

CyberSavant

Tue, 02/02/2010 - 12:29am

Good tale. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to laugh or cry, or both, at the end. I think the emotional ambiguity is what gives this piece it's impact.

There are a few punctuation errors. "Hunters motion based" should be "Hunters' motion-based."

 Nicely done. I agree with Cyber about the emotional ambiguity. 

Another typo? 'She was tired running.'  

Should perhaps be, 'She was tired of running.'

 Good story. If this was a blurb on the back of a book I would start reading. One line I didn't like was, "What was she surviving for?" Maybe, Why did she keep fighting?

Dave K