Pela's Ghost

By Michael T. Marsh

1348 words

True Love's touch inspires, consumes, binds, and sometimes knots....

...My love, they bring you to me on a small ceremonial platter amidst ritual and solemn pomp for which I care little. The small crystal lattice, aglow with radiant reds, pinks and deep ruby swirls, no larger than a pendant draws my full attention.

The ceremony marking your passing and the offering of this lattice, your soul, into my keeping means so little. Let those who knew you only in passing, only in mask, only as husk, revel in their remorse and the ceremony=s comfort. For me, who knew you as lover, as friend, as self, soulmate and Muse; for me, who can still feel your touch, smell the scent of your hair, taste your lips on my tongue, knowing that all that is left to mark your worldly existence is this thing -- this artifact, this piece of technology -- rips my essence to shreds. I am halved without you, and I fear I am left with the lesser of the two halves at that...

...He sits all day at the great window that she loved. The ocean slaps beach just beyond pane. Seagulls coast and flurry outside the glass. Sunlight burns his skin, but he notices none of this. He sits and stares out the window, past reality, deep into some place else. Hoping against hope that the deep, searing pain will either subside or kill him.

At night, he pulls himself from the window, stumbles into the kitchen and consumes just enough of whatever he finds made that day by the autochef to numb the persistent ache in his belly. Then he returns to the window and looses himself in the dark, starry sky...

...My love, my Pela, my sweet soulmate. My inspiration, Muse, Goddess. What am I without you? Not even tears will flow. How am I to write, to create, to live without your touch? I can still taste you; smell you. I see you everywhere. I hear your voice in my dreams. Last night I woke to find you sitting at the foot of the bed smiling at me. When I reached for you, there was nothing there. Why do you tease me so? Have I displeased you? Why have you left me? I am nothing alone...

...His fist clutches the lattice pendant. He never lets it down. He holds it so tightly that skin broke many days ago. Still he ignores the pain, the blood. Somewhere inside of him, he is sure he feels something more than lose. He hopes the pain will make everything seem more real.

Sometimes his eyes drift from that nowhere point beyond the window, along the horizon, to the small console near the shelves of ancient books she collected. There is a tiny impression in the top of the console the size and shape of the pendant. His friends and family tell him he is a fool not to use the console.

"It's all the rage, darling," Becca, Pela's closest ally in the daily grind she lived has told him by holophone. "Everyone is doing it. That's why the funeral home supplied it. Pela isn't gone, darling, she's just a few bits and bites away."

Becca's use of her name turns his stomach. He hates her just for saying Pela's name. Like she was more then just someone Pela had to tolerate in order to get any work done.

The console is his temptation. It nags at him. Begs him to it. He can almost feel the presence of the thing in the room with him. It is present, always there. He can't bring himself to get rid of it. He can't bring himself to use it, either. Will it be her?...

....What use is life when just the act of waking hurts so much? Why does the universe hate me so much that it would rip you from me? What am I to do? What am I to do? Pela I need you...

... "You really should clear your head. Get away from here. Start writing again. Try to do something that is free from her ghost." His closest confidant, his brother James is chewing on a morning biscuit on the other end of the holophone.

He nods, only half listening. Write without Pela? What a horrible thought. His words would be empty and hollow, like his soul.

"This is our home, James. This is where we lived. I can't just go away from here. Even if I did, I can't 'clear' her from my head. She was everything to me."

James bites, swallows, takes a sip. Particles of dust floating in a beam of sunlight distort his image briefly.

"Listen, little brother. That's the problem. You built your whole life around her. You lost yourself in Pela. Go away for a while. Find out who you really are. There was a time when you wrote before Pela, remember?"

He shakes his head "yes." But really he can't recall life before she came to him. How could he not loose himself in her? She was perfect...

...The passage of time itself is painful. I cannot bear a moment longer, my love. I must know. I must talk to you. I need you...

...Temptation consumes him. One night, awakened in a sweat from thoughts of Pela making love to him, he loosens his grip on the pendant. Stretching his fingers; savoring the feel of movement after so much time spent clenched around the tiny crystal he throws himself off the bed and rushes to the console.

He fumbles with the pendant, unable to get it to fit just right at first. He takes a deep breath, sighs, breaths deeply again. His hands are shaking. His heart is pounding at his chest. Tears swell in his eyes. He tries again and succeeds. His reward is the soft hum of electronics coming to life.

The red, pink, and ruby swirls of the pendant grow, swirl faster, blend and twist and morph until moments later a three dimensional image of Pela's head hovers six inches above the console. His heart skips a beat.

She is as lovely as she always was. Long auburn hair hanging loosely around an angled face. Olive skin gracefully covering those angles. Her lips are thin, but red. Eyes brown and intense.

She is smiling at him.

"Hello, my love." He whispers. "I missed you terribly."

Pela laughs gently. "Don't tell me you've been pining away for me? Don't you have anything better to do?"

"But I love you. You are my soulmate, my Muse. I long to be with you."

Again the laugh. "You always were such a romantic fool, Jonathan. I love you for it, always have. There is more to life then love. However will you do without me?"

He sighs. "This is exactly my point. How will I live without you?"

He starts to tell her words of sweet love, but she cuts him off.

"Jonathan, listen to me. I'm dead. Move on. I can't be the realist in our relationship anymore. I'm not even truly here. I'm bits and bytes. A program designed to act like Pela, not Pela herself. Get over her."

The words burn to his core. They hurt in away he didn't think possible after all the pain he has felt since her death...

...Morning has come my love. I watched the dawn eat away at the violet hues of night's last embrace. The warmth of sunshine, the sound of waves slapping the shore. The early morning calls of 'gulls. I love you more then I love myself. Goodbye...

...He has spent the night outside, on the beach. Afraid to go back near the console. In his palm, he balances the crystal pendant he once clutched, afraid to loose. Beside him is a voice recorded he has filled to capacity with thoughts, poems and his most heartfelt feelings. As dawn turns to full day and the world comes to life Jonathan tosses the pendant into the ocean and watches the waves swallow his Muse... END