Restraint by Muse

by Dave Krenitsky

They served me the papers this morning. That stupid fairy and his body guard. I would have wrung his neck if not for that guard. Stupid demon. Three feet tall and three feet wide. He would have been taller if he stood on his knuckles. His arms were longer than my legs and more muscled.

"Now stay away from her," the fairy lisped. He did that just to irritate me. "She's done with you, move on."

"But, but... I need her. I can't survive without her."

The fairy just laughed and flew off. The demon watched him fly off and figured that his duty was done. "Stay away," he said and then cracked his knuckles and his toes. He vanished in a puff of smoke.

I looked at the papers--a restraining order. I had to stay at least a thousand feet away. Maybe there was a loophole, or some flaw I could use to get her back. When she filed the separation papers it was supposed to be temporary, short term. She wanted more space she said. My eyes locked on the word--abuse. Abuse. She's the one who abused me. All those late nights. I could hardly keep my eyes open.

But there she was. At my side. "Here's an idea," she would say. "You'll have to rewrite the first five chapters but it will be better. Won't it?"

"Yes," I would agree and delete the files. And then we would go down that new path. Two, three, even four in the morning. I can't count the number of times we saw the sun rise. She would never tire as we wrote. And we did write well... good. What's the right word?

It's happening again. She would leave me for days, weeks, months at a time. At first I hardly noticed. I could still write. But then my plots would tangle and my characters would change half way through the story. Finally, my grammar would slip away and the spell checker would underline every word I wrote.

Then she would come back with as little notice as when she left.

"What have you been writing?" she would ask. "Oh, I don't think that Mary would do that. That is more like what Alice would do."

"Yes," I would answer. I would delete sentences, paragraphs, whole scenes and start over. With her at my side I could write all night long.

But, she was gone now, forever. I would have to find a new muse. The forests, beaches, mountains were full of them I told myself. One is as good as another. I would get two I told myself. One for laughs when I wanted a good time and another for when the time was serious, when I need to get the words out. I would start tonight. I'd have a few drinks to take the edge off and go find one tonight.

A few drinks later I wondered--who did she leave me for? Was it a new guy? Young, full of life and promise, no contracts, committed to no deadlines because he hasn't sold anything yet. Or an old established sugar daddy? Whatever he wrote would sell. No pressure, just the high life. I looked back at the order, maybe I could get her back. Then I saw it. The final insult. The restraining order would be in affect immediately and continuously. All appeals would be in writing. I was lost. How could I write an appeal without her?

END