Submitted by cmsadmin on Sat, 02/11/2006 - 4:52pm

The Secret Life of a Muse

Anneliese Fox

Being a muse was a thankless, dirty and often dangerous occupation. For security reasons, no muse was ever known by name, only by number. Even muse supervisors knew next to nothing about their charges. Their numbers, the case histories and immediate assignment was all. Since every muse wore an identical disguise and communicated only by email, it was also a lonely occupation.

Muse #46 was one of the best. She (all muses were female, or disguised as such) got the dirtiest, most dangerous jobs done with a panache that her peers adored and lesser muses never understood. So when the loneliest, dirtiest, most dangerous assignment of all came along, her number was at the top of a very short list.

But 46 was tired. She was about as sick of digging inspiration and burying desperation as a muse could be. Supervisor 32 understood. She promised, "just this last job and you can retire peacefully."

The mark was a talent-less hack of a writer making a marginal living repackaging classic sitcoms into storylines suitable for conservative Christian children's cartoons. To 46, the job looked hopeless. To pull this one off, she was going to have to get really, really dirty. It didn't appear that the mark had ever had an original idea, or even had wanted one.

A lesser muse would have given up, bailed, cut a deal with the Society for the Preservation of Inadequacy and entered into their witness protection program. But the golden lure of an honest retirement, not to mention the basic challenge presented by the assignment helped 46 stay with the straight and narrow. 46 began studying the bible looking for a hook.

That was the first and only mistake 46 ever made in her distinguished career as a muse. At first, it seemed as if the job would be quickly accomplished. Mapping I love Lucy episodes into the book of Genesis was simple, yet inspired. The hack began turning out some pretty good prose, even within the childish Christian cartoon constraints. As soon as the cartoon went into production, it began to develop a following.

Those particular purveyors of conservative Christion content, however were a suspicious lot. Someone began to suspect that the writer was receiving outside help, and it might not have been God-given. A phone call to the SPI confirmed everyone's worst fears: a muse might be involved. 46 had to get out of town fast.

In fact, with the enactment of Homeland Security, SPI got much more funding and no longer had to depend upon the occasional turncoat muse for insider information. All muses were at risk. It was no longer safe to operate anywhere and the entire agency had to be dismantled.

Muse 46, like so many of her company, married an accountant, became a housewife and never took another assignment.

-the end-