This was my submission for the Pesky Pestilence. It leaves me with a lot of questions about the wizard (which I am beginning to answer).

 

The Perfect Antidote

 

“We can do this.” George watched the microbes. He’d seen this pattern before. All he needed was an accurate image of the molecular structure of the gating alignment.

“With a bucketful of worms?” Ve-Vie watched over his shoulder. “The malevolence causes blueness of the humors. Those things would stain a conscience red.”

“This is the virus causing the disease,” George said. His so-called partner had no scientific background. He had to dumb things down. A lot. “Once I determine its structure, I can manufacture a viable anti viral agent to destroy it.”

“With the right balance of humors, the body takes care of itself.”

“If the patient was sufficiently healthy, he might be able to mount some defense. This virus moves fast, inflicts too much damage for a natural immune response to react.”

George turned to face Ve-Vie. He was doing his best, but the guy belonged in a side show, not a laboratory. And what kind of name was that anyway?

“How would you balance a blue humor anyway?” George asked, pretending to care about the answer.

“Simple. Brandy distilled from peaches during the new moon, aged in a cask previously used to contain elderberry wine and a cat accidentally killed by an eighteen wheeler.” Ve-Vie sat on an empty stool. “The only problem is that peaches aren’t in season and frozen ones won’t work.”

“Oh.” George thought about writing that down, then decided against it. “I’d have guessed the cat was the problem.”

“Naw, they are easy to come by.” Ve-Vie took a notebook out of his breast pocket and started to write. “I have a couple in the warehouse.”

“I know a guy working on alternative ways of preserving fruits. He might have fresh peaches.” George looked up Mark’s contact info on his phone. “Want to give him a call?”

Ve-Vie’s eyes brightened. “I can certainly test his peaches. If they are viable, I can manufacture the potion.” He seemed delighted.

George smiled. Let the wizard or whatever he called himself brew a potion. That would at a minimum get the man out of his lab for a while. He looked at his calendar. The new moon was in twelve days. He could have the microbe sequenced and a first pass anti viral agent built by then.

 

——

 

The sequencing and generation of the alpha level anti viral went exactly as planned. The testing did not.

George watched the microbes on his monitor. It was like they were laughing at him.

Ve-Vie watched the display. He set a cut crystal vial on the counter.

“You cannot hope to vanquish a multi-dimensional essence like that by attacking just one dimension,” the wizard said.

He unstoppered the vial. A nauseating, yet fruity odor filled the lab. He replaced the stopper and looked at the monitor.

“Hmm. I would have expected a greater response.”

“To letting a stink out of a bottle?”

“It is still young. Efficacy improves with age.”

George chucked as it dawned on him. “You did know that the sample is not in this building.”

“Ah,” he smiled, “I did not know that.” He stood. “Let us go.” He picked up the vial.

“What? Can’t you just magic yourself there?” That was rude. He knew better.

“I assumed there were protocols in place.” He sounded serious.

So he had read the manual. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have been flip. How did you want to conduct this test?” George turned his computer. It was hard not to laugh.

“I suppose we need two tests. One where the patient is exposed to my potion alone, and one where it is included with your dose. The easiest distribution would be for selected test subjects to walk through a room infused with the potion.”

“Before or after receiving the anti viral.” George sighed. If only it were that simple. It wasn’t like they were anywhere near human trials at this stage.

“Oh, right. Well three tests then.”

“Obviously you don’t consider this toxic, since you just exposed the both of us to it.”

“You’re being one dimensional again. This virus has four dimensions. Most humans have nine. Three in common, one not. This is toxic to that fourth dimension. And supportive of two human dimensions.”

George typed the test request in as plain English as possible. Ve-Vie watched, offering different phrasing in a few places, which George accepted. They each added their electronic signatures. It was the most ridiculous, nonsensical thing he’d done.

Within fifteen minutes, the request was approved. Never had that happened before. Committees couldn’t be pulled together that quickly, much less make decisions in that amount of time.

“Let’s go take your vial to the testing center.” George downed the last of his cold coffee and stood.

 

——

 

In the end, George had to tweak his anti viral slightly and Ve-Vie had to add Thai cinnamon to his potion. Neither did much on its own, but together they had a product with greater than 97% efficacy. In a little over four weeks.

It didn’t just cure the disease. Patients said they felt better—more energetic, better cognitive abilities, better work-life balance, less need for coffee.

George and Ve-Vie celebrated with a bottle of scotch after the press conference.

“I still don’t get it.” George poured a round. “What, exactly does your stink bomb do?”

“The anti viral destroys the virus on the physical dimension, but only after the god dimension is removed. My potion disconnects the god dimension. Plus I added support for the patient’s spirit and health dimensions so everyone feels good.”

“God dimension?” George had given up trying to fit this guy’s logic into his own. “Lots of humans believe in some form of god.”

“Belief is one thing. Connection is different.”

“Why?”

“Bodies connected to a god, be it virus, human or anything else, are only that god’s tool. Think about it. What possible value to humans is a virus designed to annihilate them?”

George poured another round of scotch.

 

--end--