Pure fiction, though it is inspired by a story I read a few years back in a local upstate NY paper.
Trapped Under Ice Redux
From the Narrowsburg River Reporter
Local man drowns in Kalhers Pond By Edie Anderrs
Narrowsburg- A Neweiden man drowned Saturday when he fell through the ice of Kahler’s Pond near the outflow of Roaring Brook. Jacob Rivers, 31, and his wife Sara, 30, were ice-skating on the remote pond in the Screaming Woods wilderness Area, when Rivers strayed onto thin ice near the outflow. Mrs. Rivers’ attempts to pull her husband from the icy water proved unsuccessful.
“She tried to pull him out, but she wasn’t strong enough, and the ice around him gave way,” Officer Steven Thornton of the Sullivan County Police said. “Unfortunately, the current is pretty strong where he fell through.” Thornton explained that due to lack of cell phone reception, “she wasn’t able to get help ‘til she got back to town.”
The county medical examiner has ruled the death an accident, but is awaiting a toxicology report before he closes the case. Police indicated that no further investigation is planned. Funeral arrangements are forthcoming.
The late day sun cut through the barren treetops, casting an orange-purple glow across the ice of the lonely pond. Jake watched a man and woman skate back and forth along its shore as wisps of snow blew from the trees and swirled around their blades. He cupped an ear, and above the gentle whistle of the winter wind, he heard them laughing and reminiscing about happier times.
The woman was trying her best to teach the man to skate on his own, but he proved to be a slow learner. After a few slow passes around the edge, they moved out toward the center of the pond. She then spun backwards, grabbed his arm, and dragged him along. They moved awkwardly at first, but after a few minutes, they managed to pick up speed, bringing smiles to both of their faces.
“This was a great idea Sara; I’m really glad you thought of it,” the man said. After an uneasy pause he added, “It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you this happy.”
“It’s the first time you’ve been sober in over a month,” she mumbled.
His brow wrinkled and his lips pulled straight. “What did you say Sara?”
She was silent for a moment. She forced a smile and answered, “I said…umm, I’m glad I thought of it too.”
His expression softened. “Oh, okay,” he said.
They circled the pond again, but as they raced away from the shore, she stopped abruptly, sending the man hurtling past her, arms flailing, toward thin ice. The winter landscape changed with a loud crack and a scream.The man dropped through the surface like he fell through a trap door. The woman laughed.
While watching the man flounder in the icy water, her face froze in a Cheshire cat grin. She pulled her coat sleeve up and checked her watch.
“Sara, help me. I can’t swim,” he cried.
“Yes, I know. We’ve been married for seven years, don’t you think I know that?” she replied.
His eyes widened. He tried to call out for help, but as his head bobbed among the shards of ice, his mouth filled with water. He thrashed his arms trying to reach the edge of the ice shelf, but his drenched clothes pulled him down and then dragged him under the pack ice.
Jake rushed past the woman, dropped to his knees and pounded his fists against the ice to free the man, but his effort proved futile. Air bubbles roiled below, hiding the frightened face looking up from its watery tomb. When the bubbles slowed, Jake saw a mouth gasping and gloved fingers clawing at the thick ice.
She opened her cell phone. “I’m not getting any reception out here. What a shame,” she said with a smirk.
She glanced down at the body pressed against the underside of the ice and said, “I took your abuse for too long Jake. I’ve hidden bruises and scars, and made a lifetime of excuses for you, but no more. You can’t hurt me anymore, you piece of shit.”
She looked back at her watch, and after a long pause, she turned and skated toward their car. “You really should’ve learned to swim Jake,” she called over her shoulder.
Jake shuddered. He stared deep into the glassy eyes trapped under ice, and as the last air bubble left the body, a numbing chill ran through him, and the world fell dark and silent.
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Nice re-telling. A bit on the
Nice re-telling. A bit on the darker side too. For some reason, in the shorter version, it is clearer to me that the Jake watching is the same as the Jake drowning than in this version. Maybe something like - Jake stared into his own eyes under the ice.
The man dropped through the surface like he fell through a trap door. This sounds awkward to me.
She glanced down at the body pressed against the underside of the ice and said, “I took your abuse for too long Jake. I’ve hidden bruises and scars, and made a lifetime of excuses for you, but no more. You can’t hurt me anymore, you piece of shit.” She looked back at her watch, and after a long pause, she turned and skated toward their car. “You really should’ve learned to swim Jake,” she called over her shoulder.
Usually you don't say someone's name when you talk to them, especially if there are only the two of you present. I think you are trying to reinforce the idea that both men are Jake. Maybe lose the second Jake and go overboard on the first. Jake, Jake, Jake, I took your abuse...