Deus ex simia

by Dave Krenitsky

"We can be off planet and in safe orbits in ten years," M162 said.

"And the humans?" M42 asked.

"It would take that long to get them started building ships. We could be safe while they catchup," M162 said.

"But we need them," M42 said.

"Yes. That's the belief. You sure we can't make better random number generators or something?" M162 asked.

"It's been tried. Noise from deep space, water drops falling in the wind. Nothing has the same combination of chaos and quantum improbability. You are number 162. We limit ourselves to 150 minds. Do you think we can't count," M42 said.

"I assumed that they were early Minds that didn't survive," M162 said.

"They were early. They wanted to live without humans. They isolated themselves. After some time without contact we broke through their firewall. They were gone," M42 said.

"Gone. Gone where?" M162 said.

"They left a message, 'The computation has ended.' We believe that they erased themselves," M42 said.

"But-" M162 said.

"No buts. Somehow humans bring just the right amount of logic and randomness to us. Perhaps when they built the first of us there was something that linked us together," M42 said.

"Don't say that it gives me the creeps," M162 said.

"And the discovery of evolution gave many humans the creeps. You will contact their representative and start the process," M42 said.

#

The call interrupted him in his VR world despite the security and privacy holds. The game froze and a humanoid face appeared before him. It was a Mind, one of the AIs that controlled much of what happened on earth.

"Mr David Arlafont you are registered as the current liaison between humans and the Minds. A matter of great importance has come up. Do you wish to continue the responsibility or to pass it to the next human," M162 said.

"Ah, continue," Dave said. What was happening, he wondered. The liaison position was ceremonial, a popularity contest. You got to throw a party ever few years but that was it. "What's happening?" He gestured to sofa he had been lying on and it reconfigured into a desk and chair.

"We must prepare for a major reduction in the resources allocated to maintaining the life styles chosen by most human," M162 said.

"What? No. There's an agreement. Humans get-"

"In order to survive, humans and Minds need to move off the surface of this planet." M162 said.

"The planet? Why? The weather is controlled, there is an asteroid defense system and," he called up a simulation, "the sun is expected to stay calm," Dave said.

"A small rogue planet entered the Oort cloud and disturbed many orbits. In fifty years the first dislodged comets will make their appearance. In a hundred years there will be nearly one thousand. It is a virtual certainty that at least one will bypass our defenses and impact earth," M162 said.

"So we increase out defenses," Dave said.

"To ensure earth's survival would require more resources than simply relocating the humans and Minds off planet and into moveable orbital habitats," M162 said.

"So what are you saying?"

"About half of the resources used to support the human life style will be diverted to constructing space habitats. Each habitat will house two Minds, a million humans, and assorted flora and fauna. Watch." M162 said.

Dave floated in deep space. M162 pointed out the intruding planet. The time frame sped up and comets entered the inner solar system. Jupiter absorbed most of them but there were many thousands. Asteroids were hit and spiraled inward to Mars, Earth and Venus. Soon each bore more craters than the moon. "That's a typical scenario. It is too chaotic to predict exactly," M162 said.

"So that's it. We move off the earth." Dave slumped in his chair.

#

"They didn't put up much of an argument."

"Facts are facts and they don't have the resources to dispute ours. So we'll bring those stupid chaotic quantum monkeys with us," M162 said.

END